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Dating Again #2: Mr. Too Attached

Though I’m now seeing someone exclusively I thought I’d continue my series of posts on my dating experiences after my split with John. I started the series late last year with a post on Mr. Rebound. Today’s post is about the second major figure in my post-John dating life.

I had entered my experience with Mr. Rebound knowing that I wasn’t looking to date anyone seriously. A few months later though when I met Mr. Too Attached I was starting to feel that, in seeing someone, I could start considering something more serious. I wasn’t looking for a relationship but I was going to let myself be open to the possibility.

Like Mr. Rebound I met Mr. Too Attached through an online dating site. We traded some messages and decided to meet for a coffee date. My initial encounters with Mr. Too Attached went really well. He seemed really good on paper. In his early sixties he was handsome, educated, in a creative profession. He had also recently moved to the city and so we had a shared experience of feeling like we were starting over. I definitely saw dating potential in this man.

We soon had a second date, dinner out and after which he invited me to his place. It started innocently enough, but again it ended by getting far more physical than I should have allowed. I clearly didn’t heed my own warning after my experience with Mr. Rebound. However, this time it backfired not because of misplaced interest. Rather, it complicated the process of dating by creating a sense of seriousness or intimacy early on, making it more challenging to end the relationship when I realized he really wasn’t right for me.

In total we probably saw each other seven or eight times. At first it was all great, I enjoyed the time we spent together and learning about what he did and his personal history. Sadly, the interesting conversations wore thin pretty quickly and Mr. Too Attached was in constant contact. Soon everyday he was e-mailing and/or calling me without really saying much.  All conversations seemed to devolve into dry commentaries about our work day. I was still having an enjoyable enough time when we’d go out together, but I just didn’t feel the click.

clingySadly Mr. Too Attached was moving in the opposite direction. As I was beginning to feel “this guy would make a fine friend, but not a partner” he was starting feel that I was the one. Eventually, during one of our frequent phone conversations I had to tell him “look, I’m beginning to recognize that I’m not matching the level of intensity you’re feeling toward me.” Immediately afterward he was quite upset but then came back saying he wanted to see if we could still work, he promised that he’d mellow out and we’d just see how things developed naturally. I was willing to give this a try, I still saw some potential and didn’t want to pass up an opportunity. Unfortunately, Mr. Too Attached was just that.

I can’t quite figure out why Mr. Too Attached was so enthusiastic about me. I don’t have such an inflated view of myself to think it’s my devilish good looks and irresistibly charming personality. Perhaps, it was his own lack of a social circle in this new city. Maybe he was in love with the idea of being in-love. I don’t know, but I found, despite what romantic comedies seem to portray, being hotly pursued when the feeling isn’t mutual can be a huge turn-off.

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