Recently I was introduced to a new venture in the UK to provide senior care and housing to the LGBT community; it is called Rainbow Senior Living. I’ve been corresponding with their Commercial Director Rodolfe Mortreuil and I am impressed with his organization’s mission. I invited Rodolfe to write a guest article for From Gay to December. The following are his thoughts on the complications of living out late in life.
Upon reading the latest From Gay To December article, I was once more distraught by the recurring theme of stress and emotional suffering that partners of ailing seniors sometimes have to face.
This is not a new issue and there is a lot of documentation and writing on the hardships faced by caretakers, whether they be professionals, family or close friends. Nearly all of that literature however concerns straight people. It seems at first glance that nobody out there knows about the added difficulties that occur when the ailing senior is gay.
The partner of the author of From Gay To December is lucky, in that he has a loving partner willing to step up to the plate in his hour of need. However research indicates that 80% of elderly gays – male or female – live alone and there is also heart-wrenching research that shows that they are 10 times more likely than elderly straight people to have nobody to call upon in times of need. Nobody at all. In those situations their only solution is to call upon professional help. When looking at this solution, it quickly appears that, unless one is lucky enough to live in about 15 places in the US where there is a gay-friendly community for the silver generation, one will have to take what’s on offer: a care company which may well be very good in delivering care, but which is almost guaranteed to not have a clue when it comes to gay issues. Would you like to come out as gay to someone you do not know, who will help you with very personal care such as bathing or dressing a wound?
Most people, as it turns out, don’t dare risk it and go back in the closet for the rest of their days because of it.
The author of From Gay To December is not so lucky. It is well known that caring for a loved one is possibly one of the most stressful situations to find oneself in. The responsibility is a huge burden, the impact on the every-day life is tremendous. There seems to be no outside help available, if only someone to talk to and often there is also a feeling of guilt about wanting some time to oneself, when our beloved is in need of us still. Here again, being in a gay relationship only makes the situation even more lonely, with few wishing to take the risk of facing the negative judgment of a well-meaning but poorly-informed (or downright intolerant, in cases) professional caretakers.
Yet all is not dark in that picture. Recognition is growing in our western societies about the right to equal and respectful treatment of Gays and Lesbians, while concurrently awareness is growing, with an assertive baby-boomer generation coming into retirement, that there are emotional, cultural and social needs to aging that have not yet been addressed for everyone.
The answer to our greying gay generation is sprouting all over the US , in the form of gay-friendly retirement communities, help-groups, social housing groups… often carried by the energy and commitment of a few people committed to taking the fight for equality and dignity to the latter part of gay life. In the US today we have found about 30 such projects, either already running or in development.
Alas, in Europe, where I write from, the situation is so much worse and once more America leads the way in tolerance and initiative. Our venture is attempting to be the first in the UK (a country with one of the most advanced gay–rights legislation!) to offer a solution to aging gays and their caring partners, enabling them to continue their life with dignity and comfort regardless of their state of health.
The situation worldwide is not good, yet. But it is getting better every month, thanks to a grassroots movement which may still be largely below the radar of most people, but is nonetheless increasing its pace and impact. I am proud to be a small part of it.
Filed under: Commentary, Guest Post, Mature Relationship | Tagged: carer, caretaker, closet, closeted, gay, Gay community, Gay friendly, glbt, homosexual, LGBT, older gay men, older gay women, partner, partnership, relationship, retirement, retirement community, retirement home, senior | Leave a comment »
From Gay to December 
Guest Post: Options for Senior Gay Living
Recently I was introduced to a new venture in the UK to provide senior care and housing to the LGBT community; it is called Rainbow Senior Living. I’ve been corresponding with their Commercial Director Rodolfe Mortreuil and I am impressed with his organization’s mission. I invited Rodolfe to write a guest article for From Gay to December. The following are his thoughts on the complications of living out late in life.
Upon reading the latest From Gay To December article, I was once more distraught by the recurring theme of stress and emotional suffering that partners of ailing seniors sometimes have to face.
This is not a new issue and there is a lot of documentation and writing on the hardships faced by caretakers, whether they be professionals, family or close friends. Nearly all of that literature however concerns straight people. It seems at first glance that nobody out there knows about the added difficulties that occur when the ailing senior is gay.
The partner of the author of From Gay To December is lucky, in that he has a loving partner willing to step up to the plate in his hour of need. However research indicates that 80% of elderly gays – male or female – live alone and there is also heart-wrenching research that shows that they are 10 times more likely than elderly straight people to have nobody to call upon in times of need. Nobody at all. In those situations their only solution is to call upon professional help. When looking at this solution, it quickly appears that, unless one is lucky enough to live in about 15 places in the US where there is a gay-friendly community for the silver generation, one will have to take what’s on offer: a care company which may well be very good in delivering care, but which is almost guaranteed to not have a clue when it comes to gay issues. Would you like to come out as gay to someone you do not know, who will help you with very personal care such as bathing or dressing a wound?
Most people, as it turns out, don’t dare risk it and go back in the closet for the rest of their days because of it.
The author of From Gay To December is not so lucky. It is well known that caring for a loved one is possibly one of the most stressful situations to find oneself in. The responsibility is a huge burden, the impact on the every-day life is tremendous. There seems to be no outside help available, if only someone to talk to and often there is also a feeling of guilt about wanting some time to oneself, when our beloved is in need of us still. Here again, being in a gay relationship only makes the situation even more lonely, with few wishing to take the risk of facing the negative judgment of a well-meaning but poorly-informed (or downright intolerant, in cases) professional caretakers.
Yet all is not dark in that picture. Recognition is growing in our western societies about the right to equal and respectful treatment of Gays and Lesbians, while concurrently awareness is growing, with an assertive baby-boomer generation coming into retirement, that there are emotional, cultural and social needs to aging that have not yet been addressed for everyone.
The answer to our greying gay generation is sprouting all over the US , in the form of gay-friendly retirement communities, help-groups, social housing groups… often carried by the energy and commitment of a few people committed to taking the fight for equality and dignity to the latter part of gay life. In the US today we have found about 30 such projects, either already running or in development.
Alas, in Europe, where I write from, the situation is so much worse and once more America leads the way in tolerance and initiative. Our venture is attempting to be the first in the UK (a country with one of the most advanced gay–rights legislation!) to offer a solution to aging gays and their caring partners, enabling them to continue their life with dignity and comfort regardless of their state of health.
The situation worldwide is not good, yet. But it is getting better every month, thanks to a grassroots movement which may still be largely below the radar of most people, but is nonetheless increasing its pace and impact. I am proud to be a small part of it.
Filed under: Commentary, Guest Post, Mature Relationship | Tagged: carer, caretaker, closet, closeted, gay, Gay community, Gay friendly, glbt, homosexual, LGBT, older gay men, older gay women, partner, partnership, relationship, retirement, retirement community, retirement home, senior | Leave a comment »