Intergenerational Commitment: Vicar and Fashion Designer to Wed

Reverend Colin Coward and Bobby Egbele (image from the MailOnline)

It’s a few days old, but I just came across this news story and couldn’t help but share it.

It’s not often that we see a high profile story about an intergenerational couple.  This one has become even more high profile since the older man is an Anglican Priest.  Reverend Colin Coward, 65, and his 25 year old boyfriend Bobby Egbele plan to have a blessing ceremony in the reverend’s church following a civil ceremony.  The couple have been together for three years and will consider this combination of ceremonies their marriage.

I’ve read a number of articles, blog posts, and comments on this news story and unfortunately all the old negative stereotypes about intergenerational gay couples are already being paraded about.  Disparaging remarks are made about the age difference and inauthentic motives are attributed to both men.  However, I find the story compelling and heart warming.  It takes a lot of courage to confront the conservative traditions of the Anglican church and to open themselves up to such ridicule.  I wish the two men much happiness and success together.

It’s a Nice Day for a Gay Wedding

This afternoon John and I are going to a lesbian wedding, and it feels like a particularly auspicious time to have one.  Sure, we don’t live in a state that currently recognizes same-sex marriages, but in the wake of the Proposition 8 overturn it gives the proceedings and even greater celebratory mood.  Watching this couple preparing to make this commitment to each other in front of their friends and family underscores how ridiculous the claims made by proponents of Prop 8 really are.

Opponents of gay marriage claim they are standing up for American values, but at the welcome dinner yesterday I saw the friends and families of these two wonderful women.  At the wedding they are expecting about a hundred guests and they are from all walks of life, all sorts of ages, both gay and straight, and many traveling in from hundreds of miles away, all to show their support for a loving couple.  There is no monopoly on “American values”; we are America too!

Interestingly, at the dinner I met a woman who flew in from California who had voted for Proposition 8.  She said she had to come to make it up to one of the brides; she now regrets the vote she made.  I wonder how many others, after the campaign machine came to an end, let cooler heads prevail and regret their decision.

Anyway, enough reflection on what could have been; it’s time to go celebrate the future to come.

Earlier thoughts on Proposition 8.

Getting to Know You: pt 3

My last blog entry brings up a great topic of a “getting to know you” poll.  I know lots of gay men that have been married only to come out later.  Perhaps it’s just a characteristic of my part of the country or city.  I’m curious what the experience is of my readership is; have you ever been married?  are you still married?  Remember, all poll responses are anonymous.  For a look at our last poll and links to previous polls check out Getting to Know You pt 2.

What is your marital status?  (For the purpose of this poll, married means to a person of the opposite sex.)

Like a Horse and Carriage?: Thoughts Following Prop 8

Since the passing of Proposition 8 in California I have been thinking quite a bit about marriage and whether my partner and I would, or should, get married if the option were available to us.  Don’t misunderstand the following debate as an indication that I have reservations about gay marriage in general.  I am severely disappointed in the passage of Proposition 8 and heartened at the numbers in which GLBT and allies have mobilized to protest the results.  However I do think that an inter-generational couple faces a unique situation when presented with the option of getting married.

Shortly after California’s Supreme Court made gay marriage legal, some friends of ours got married while on vacation there.  While John and I joked about the idea of getting married, (“who would walk you down the aisle?”) neither of us took it very seriously.  Also when any friends of ours would ask us if we were getting married we would chuckle a little and say no.

Oddly thought, it wasn’t until California passed Proposition 8 and took away the rights of gay and lesbian people to get married that I really contemplated what it would mean for John and I to do it.  On one hand I take our relationship very seriously and I am committed to John.  Therefore marriage is very appealing, both as a way to express our relationship outwardly, to family and friends for instance, and moreover that our relationship might be recognized as something valuable by the state would be tremendously powerful.

On the other hand, I think both of us are wary of some of the implications of getting married.  I know John worries about what demands might be placed on me as he ages; he doesn’t want to hold me back, whether that means day-to-day stuff or big life issues such as professional advancement.  For my part I worry about damaging or obstructing his relationship with his family.  I know his kids and ex-wife already have a hard enough time with our age difference as it is.  I think a move by use to marry might be perceived as a threat, as a disruption of a family that has already witnessed its share of disruptions.  To be honest I don’t think I could fault them for feeling that way either.  I am the new person in the equation, I don’t know that I have yet earned the right to be fully embraced by them.

When I think about the straight couples I know that are my age it drives home the different sort of path John and I have in our relationship.  In a lot of ways the earlier stages of our relationship happened a lot quicker than they do for most.  But now when we contemplate that ultimate commitment we seem to hesitate.  Perhaps that will change over time, but for now we are happy and healthy and that is all that really matters.

For my gay and lesbian readers who are partnered; if it were currently legal in the state or country you are living in do you think that you would get married?  Feel free to leave a comment as well as respond to the poll below.