“Chris and Don” an Intergenerational Love Story

Today’s post is the third installment of our special features series.  Today’s topic is the documentary film Chris and Don: A Love Story.  However, since we are on the topic of film, I want to congratulate Dustin Lance Black and Sean Penn on their Oscar wins for their work on Milk, best original screenplay and best actor respectively .

From the official "Chris and Don: A Love Story" site.

Chris and Don, which is being released this Tuesday on DVD, explores the long and extraordinary relationship between writer Christopher Isherwood and painter Don Bachardy.  Chris Isherwood is probably best known for his book The Berlin Stories which was one of the inspirations for the musical Cabaret.  Don Bachardy has been portrait artist working on the west coast for decades.

Formally the film is spartanly, yet beautifully realized.  The story of Chris and Don is told through snapshots, home footage, Isherwood’s diaries, and narration by Bachardy himself.  Additional narration is provided by Michael York, who played William Bradshaw in the film adaptation of Cabaret.  A few anecdotes are illustrated by actors that reenact events in the lives of Chris and Don, fortunately these are done subtly and they blend nearly seamlessly into the film as a whole.

The narrative of the film follows a primarily chronological order.  The stage is set by an examination of Isherwood’s early life in Britain, his experience in Europe, and then his move to Los Angeles.  It was there that he met Don, a man thirty years his junior.  It then explores the burgeoning of their unlikely romance.

The film then turns its focus to their relationship proper.  It explores the extraordinary aspects of their partnership such as being unabashedly out in 1950s Hollywood and the large age difference between them.  It reflects on the more common aspects of their life together.  And ultimately the film follows the relationship through Isherwood’s battle with cancer and Bachardy’s life after his partner’s passing.

While this film is a touching biography about two incredible men, it is also, refreshingly, a nuanced look at what a successful intergenerational relationship can look like.  Their story is an inspiration for those of us attracted to others of a different age, and hopefully an eye-opener to those that find our relationships questionable.  It explores the benefits and challenges confronted by men in may to december relationships.  We see Chris help Don cultivate his talents, but we also see Don struggle with developing an individual identity in the presence of his older an more established partner.  We also witness the care Chris is given by his partner during his final days, but also the loss Don must endure.  Ultimately the film is a rewarding vision of the strength and potential found in age disparate relationships, a true portrait of intergenerational love.

If you have seen Chris and Don: A Love Story, leave us a comment and share with us what you thought about the film.

 

“Lately Gay”: a Resource For Coming Out Late

A couple of months ago I started off my special features with a wildly popular post about the photography of Nate Ndosi.  I’ve been looking long and hard for other interesting sites, artists, or authors that are doing distinctive things on the subject of gay inter-generational relationships or unique aspects of gay life.  I have to admit those subjects are sometimes few and far between.  But today, I’m excited to bring you our second installment featuring Stephen McKenna, the editor and primary contributor of the site Lately Gay.

Lately Gay is a site primarily geared toward men that have come out later in life.  When visiting the site the reader is greeted by a striking masthead and a crisp magazine style layout.  Once you scroll past the masthead, it is a tad on the large side, you’ll find a brief welcome that introduces you to the site and several featured articles.  To the right of the welcome message you’ll the true portal to Lately Gay, the site map.  The site map features a number of topics/categories, under which you’ll find more information.

Initially navigating this site map can be a little confusing because some of the topic headers don’t overtly reference what you will find under them.  However, your patience will be well rewarded as you continue to explore the site.  Despite its recent creation, Lately Gay is already a wealth of interesting articles.  One can find blog style posts, articles on general gay topics, health info, and book reviews.  Lately Gay also seems to have mission of inclusiveness offering a variety of way readers may also participate in the site.  Many posts are open for leaving comments and there are areas for coming out stories, asking for advice, and responding to polls.

Overall I was pleasantly surprised when I cam across Stephen’s site a little while back.  While I am a young gay man that never contemplated living the straight life I can certainly sympathize.  I would estimate that at least half of the older gay men in my social circle came out late, were married, and had children.  That was certainly the case for my partner; we’ve talked a lot about the complicated nature of coming out that way.  I also feel a sense of fraternity with Stephen; he started Lately Gay to address what I felt was an under-represented  aspect of the gay community and for similar reasons I started From Gay to December.  I look forward to seeing his site, and hopefully the community around it, grow.  To give you a better sense of the goals and motivations behind Lately Gay I asked Stephen if he’d answer a few questions; the following is a brief interview conducted via electronic correspondence.

Gay to December: When did you start Lately Gay and what were your primary goals in creating the site?

Stephen McKenna: Well, Lately Gay is in the process of being born as we speak. It’s a big undertaking while also juggling the ‘bill-paying’ things I have to do, but slowly and surely it’s getting there and I hope to do a formal media launch in October.

As for primary goals. One was certainly therapy. My coming out took place six years ago and I recently had to admit that I’d hardly dealt with the baggage of my marital breakdown (my wife and I had been together for almost 12 years). So, six years running away was starting to take its toll.  Writing for the site has indeed helped with a lot of closure. I think it was a final stage of healing I had to go through.

My other big goal with Lately Gay has been the opportunity to share my experience with other men who may be going through the same turmoil as I did. There was no one to turn to when I came out and it was a very lonely time, so LG is all about telling those guys that they are not alone – that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

GtD: According to your site you came out relatively late yourself. Could you tell us briefly about your own coming out process?

SM: One day I’d love to do a version of The Brady Bunch credit sequence adapted to my story. You know … “Here’s the story of a lovely fella … la la la!”. That way I could wrap the whole story up in 30 seconds. Anyway, let me try and be brief.

There I was 13 or 14, wondering why I looked at slightly older, good looking boys on the train all the time. About the same stage a confession to a sibling that I had been molested by a family friend led to a stern warning never to mention it again or my dad would throw me out of the house for being gay!! That was a tough wrap to be thrown at such a delicate age and sufficient for me to lay a big, heavy lid on the problem. Indeed I became good at burying the urges and focusing on another sibling’s straight porn mags.

From there on in I threw myself into school life and went all the way to my thirties without a single relationship until, that is, a girl took an interest in me. That was the beginning of my marriage. Yes, I had had sex with guys on a small number of occasions but I still had myself down as straight, then bisexual, but not until about my 38th year did I cotton on to the fact that I was just gay, gay, gay!

That was the Pandora moment and it soon led to the realization that I had to spread my wings and fly or I was about to die. Yes, I could fully see the devastation I was about to wreak on my marriage but I also knew that I’d never make someone happy when I was so unhappy myself. That was the beginning of the end.

GtD: Are you still in contact with your wife?

SM: Very much so. She’s a special person and while she went through a terrible ordeal she has emerged from it a stronger person. We were each other’s best friends in our marriage and thank God we’ve been able to hold on to that connection.

GtD: Did your own coming out experience influence the creation of the site?

SM: Entirely. If I wrote a book telling my whole story the title would have to be something like Here’s How To Drive Your Car at 90mph Into A Brick Wall And Walk Away From The Wreckage In One Piece. That’s a big story to tell and so I’ve felt compelled by the trauma of that experience to share it through Lately Gay.

GtD: What unique problems do those men coming out late encounter?

SM: For a start they are emerging into the gay world at a very vulnerable stage. Our gay culture can be very ageist and judgmental, like we’re all supposed to be gilded Peter Pans preserved in aspic. Who says?! Well that’s a tough brief to begin with.

Then there’s the marriage they are invariably leaving behind and all the detritus that goes with that. It’s a bit like stepping out of the funeral parlour straight into a birthing pool!Hardly an auspicious beginning.<

And as for the real fun part! These guys are 40 to 50 and having to start the dating game all over again. Plus they face the prospect of encountering their first taste of true love and, all too likely, their first heartbreaks. Any of these guys can tell you that these things don’t get any easier with the passing of the years.

GtD: Is the lately gay phenomenon on the decline? To what extent do you think young gay men are still marrying women out of either fear, denial, etc.?

SM: These days in liberal societies the gay stigma is evaporating all the time, so it is easier for young men and women to come out and there’s much less of a chance of them ending up in straight marriages. However, there are all the guys from twenty or thirty years who’ve been caught up in what I call the ‘gay delay’ that are only now coming out of the closet as the kids have grown up and left home. That’s when they start to contemplate their remaining years.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world suppression of homosexuality is on the increase – not decreasing. Take a nation like Egypt, for example. Or especially in countries where Sharia Law is being adopted and they are advocating punishment by death for being gay.  So, you bet, in such cultures, young people have no option but to enter the imprisonment of unhappy marriages. That’s nothing short of a denial of basic human rights.

It’s imperative for the international community to give these victims a voice and we hope to keep it alive as an issue on the site.

GtD: How many contributors does the site currently have?

SM: Well, if I’m honest, it’s me and the dog a lot of the time! I have had friends and the like give me assistance but basically the roster of contributors will grow as more people become aware of Lately Gay. At that stage I hope to perform mainly an editorial role.

Those contributors will be very important also because I’m keen that Lately Gay is made up of a variety of different voices. I don’t want it all to be my perspective and where people write to take issue with things that I’ve posted I make a point of publishing those remarks.

GtD: What has the response to the site been so far?

SM: Very encouraging with lots of people telling me that it’s a good idea and much needed which is good to hear. Kinda makes it all worthwhile.

GtD: How do you envision the future of Lately Gay?

SM: In time I’d like to see Lately Gay become not just a testimonial but also develop a strong voice in the gay community. In particular, one that speaks up for older gay guys. Here in the UK we are all but ignored by the gay media and that really needs to change. We may be Lately Gay but that doesn’t mean that we’re not the real thing. Sure we’re a bit gray but we’re ALL gay and very much intending to stay, so make a bit of room there guys.

GTD: Thank you Stephen for your time, it has been a pleasure hearing your thoughts on the gay community and coming out.  I urge everyone to stop by LatelyGay.com an see what Stephen has been developing.

 

“Older Beauty”: The Photography of Nate Ndosi

Today’s post is the first in what I hope will be a series featuring other sites, blogs, and media pertaining to intergenerational attraction and/or relationships. I’m on the look-out for unique contributions to the field and I think the work of Nate Ndosi is a stellar way to start the series off. His work offered a great opportunity to reflect on sensuality, gay artists, and the way older gay men are represented. Also, be sure to continue reading below to find a brief interview with the artist.

Larry by Nate Ndosi

One of the greatest challenges for minority artists is overcoming the tendency of others to pigeonhole them as producing art that is only relevant to their minority group. The photography of Nate Ndosi certainly explores/reveals gay intergenerational attraction, but the strength of his work prevents him from being labeled “just another gay photographer”. The overall body of Ndosi’s work covers a broad range of subjects from stunning interiors and landscapes to everyday objects. However it is his photos of older gay men that, by a number of measures, truly stand out.

Many gay photographers fall into stereotyped tropes when photographing their male subjects. When any level of sensuality is present it is though expected roles of eroticism are projected upon the subjects via a codified “gay male gaze”; to borrow from Laura Mulvey. I have even seen older gay men posed in, or they themselves acting out, roles depicted in fashion photography, film, or pornography. Refreshingly, Ndosi avoids, for the most part, this tendency.

Michael by Nate Ndosi

Instead his men appear natural, comfortable and at times candidly unaware of the camera. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t a dimension of sensuality to the photographs. But Ndosi evokes this through lighting and composition more than through poses or established expectations of the erotic.

It is truly Ndosi’s technical skill that makes these photographs so evocative. Many of his photos of older men are black and whites. Ndosi discovers interesting features in these men and illuminates them through sharp contrast and crisp focus. Short focal lengths often enhance a sense of intense concentration, drawing those alluring details to the foreground. The rest of the image almost dissolves giving Ndosi’s men a somewhat ephemeral quality. Ndosi’s color photos also over vivid renderings of men, enhancing mood through his control of color.

When I first came across it, I was so intrigued by Nate Ndosi’s work I knew I wanted to write about it. I was also intrigued by Nate and his flickr site, the fact that he was addressing his attraction to older men openly. I decided to ask him a few questions. What follows is a brief interview conducted by electronic correspondence.

Gay to December: How did you get started in the media of photography?

Nate Ndosi: I started being inspired by photography by a close friend of mine, Rhea Pappas, who is about to graduate from the Minneapolis College of Arts and Design with a photography degree. Seeing the work of artists like her, Annie Leibowitz, Richard Avedon, and Robert Mapplethorpe (to name a few) inspired me to buy a small Canon digital camera and play around during my freshman year at Haverford College (I am currently a junior).

During the summer after my freshman year, Rhea gave me her old Nikon to start shooting better quality pictures, and that is when I started seriously photographing.

Bruce by Nate Ndosi

GtD: When did you begin photographing older gay men? How do you feel people have responded to those works?

NN: The idea of “Older Beauty” started when I attended my second Pride in my hometown of Minneapolis. I was constantly reminded by the endless amounts of advertisements with young gay men with perfect bodies (either the “twink” or “hunk”). I started to ask myself why there wasn’t any older men shown at Pride, when they were a part of the most influential time periods for the modern gay movement (Stonewall and the AIDS crisis).

Then I remembered my first Pride, when I was chatting up the Minneapolis PrimeTimers (a group of gay and bisexual men 50 and older, plus their admirers like myself) I heard a young, distinctively flamboyant voice call out, “Oh, he’s just a grandpa-fucker!” As I was the only young man at the PrimeTimers booth, I knew he was talking about me.

I realized how split the gay community was from generation to generation; nowadays many gay men my age (a part of the “out” generation as I like to call them) do not have any respect for their elders. They forget that they went through some of the toughest times to ensure that we young people have a better life as gay men – to ensure that we don’t have to lie about our identities as they had to. “Older Beauty” is an homage, an honest one, portraying many different every-day men as wise, and, above all, beautiful.

People who have seen photographs from my project have responded extremely positively. I even had the privilege of getting two of my portraits into the Leslie/Lohman Gay Art Foundation’s “Great Gay Photo Show” This past January/February in the Soho area of NYC, where I received one of my biggest compliments – that my work was honest. It’s exactly what I want it to be.

GtD: Are you currently working professionally as a photographer?

NN: Not currently. I’ve only been photographing seriously for about a year, and the majority of that time has been spent on my photo project. But I have done a few odd jobs here and there for people – I certainly wouldn’t mind becoming a full-on pro.

GtD: I’m curious to know what your photo sessions are like. To what extent do you instruct your subjects’ poses or expressions?

NN: An interesting question. I would say that my sessions can be extremely fluid sometimes, and static other times – I always ask my models where they feel the most comfortable, and this, in my opinion, leads to a greater sense of communication and honesty between a photographer and a model. I’ve done shoots in people’s backyards, living rooms, public parks, hotel rooms, and even my own college campus.

I also tend to ask models if they like poses I give them, and also ask them their ideas for poses to give them a try – I think this keeps people honest for the camera.

Hiram by Nate Ndosi

GtD: What sort of control do you exert over the environment.

NN: As said before, I like to take the ideas my models give me for the environment of the shoot. I may make suggestions, but in the end if the model doesn’t like it, I don’t shoot it.

GtD: Besides your online presence, have you been involved in any art or photography shows?

NN: My art show debut was this past January/February in NYC at the Leslie/Lohman Gay Art Foundation’s “Great Gay Photo Show” where two of my prints were accepted. I’ve also been published in my undergraduate school’s literary/art publication, the Haverford Review.

GtD: Do you fear being pigeon holed as solely a gay photographer?

NN: I guess I think about that sometimes, but I realize that I love to take pictures of people too much to limit myself to gay men – and so this is only one project that I’m focusing on, but I’m sure it won’t be my whole career. At least I hope not!

GtD: Where do you see yourself going with your photography?

NN: I guess I’d love to become a full-on portrait photographer like Leibovitz and Avedon – that would definitely be my dream job. I can also see myself becoming a photojournalist, as I’m currently working on an undergraduate degree in English Literature at Haverford College.

GtD: Thanks, Nate for your time and thoughtful responses. Those who would like to see more of Nate Ndosi’s work, you should check out his photoblog at flickr.com/photos/nndosi/

Images were reproduced with the permission of the artist.