My partner and I can be, at times, self conscious of about our relationship, but for the most part we take it all in stride. I have to admit that we have it pretty good. We live in a pretty liberal town. Most of our friends, both gay and straight, are pretty accepting of our relationship. And, though there have been a few highly publicized instances of violence against gay people in our town, we feel fairly safe. Over all we’re in a really good place.

It can be hard though when people close to us seem to have a problem with our relationship. Especially when those problems seem to go away only to pop up again later. I can understand that people might initially have trepidations about our relationship. They wonder what we have in common, whether I’m using him, whether he’s using me, etc.; all those myths I’ve discussed before.

A, now mutual, friend of ours once told me he was shocked when my partner told him that he was beginning to date a 20-something guy. But, after he really saw us together he decided we made sense, that we were a good couple. It seems that most of our friends come to that conclusion after they’ve spent some time with us together. In the abstract such an age disparate relationship seems irrational, but in reality it works great for the two of us.

It can really sting then when someone we know seems to question us being together or doesn’t give our relationship much credit. My partner recently went to a pride event. I couldn’t go because I unfortunately had to work that day, but John went and took a 40-something friend of ours that was visiting from out of town.

While at pride John ran into a friend of his we’ll call Joe. When Joe saw my partner with our guest and not me, he made some remarks as though he were probing to see if I was still around. John asked him directly if he was wondering if we were still together and he admitted that, yes that was what he was wondering. John explained that I was at work.

Later that evening John told me about the encounter, but he didn’t perceive the probing as negatively as I did. It really hurt my pride to think that others might not see our relationship as durable or that I might be so easily replaced. From the first time I met Joe he’s seemed rather skeptical of me. In some ways it is to his credit; I don’t think it is out of malice, rather he likes John and is protective of him. We don’t spend as much time with Joe as some of my partner’s other friends, but over the past couple of months we’ve seen him a few times and he seemed to be warming up to me. I think that’s why his behavior at pride really struck me.

After a little time to reflect on the situation I’ve mellowed out some. It doesn’t bug me as much as it did when John first told me, but it makes me wonder how many others may secretly think my partner and I aren’t good for each other. I’d like to believe that it doesn’t matter what others think. To a certain extent that is true, but when it comes to your friends you hope for them to be supportive and trusting. If they’re not, then where will that friendship lead? For now I’ll just have to double my resolve to win over Joe and we’ll see what happens next.